Memoirs of a Domestic Engineer

When I stopped working at the University to begin being a Domestic Engineer, I left that life with much confidence as a woman and conviction to be a mother. Though definitely a transition to identify myself by my character and my strengths, rather than my position and my paycheck, I feel like I made it through and did some digging and grew in a good way.

It seems though now, about three and a half years into the Domestic Engineering experience, I’m just starting to recognized and recover from a mid-mommy crisis. You know, that place where you feel a little enslaved to the mundane and start to just plain feel empty, unappreciated, and perhaps even used. Then it is the story of hurt, then frustration of unmet hopes and expectations, then bitterness and hardness, then the attitude of a self-centered quitter, and through all this we lose track of ourself. We lose track of our vision, our passion, our purpose. And there we sit, broken, hurting, angry…

I’m so thankful for the Lord, the way he turns my mourning into dancing again, he lifts our sorrows.

I am at a place now where my heart has been broken….but thankfully, it is no longer hard (except for a few little pieces here and there that are still in the process of being crushed). I am so thankful for the way the Lord has re-confirmed the purpose statement He so clearly gave me in the Spring of 2002, which btw never changed, even though I was starting to question if it was changing. And, in His funny and gentle way, He has done this. He has orchestrated many different opportunities to re-connect with people who really know me (yes me-that person I even forgot), who know my heart, who see through my whiny days. They know where I’m strong, they know where I am weak. My spirit is softening again. My hope is returning.

Lord, light the fire in my heart again…which takes me back to my days at Saint Martin’s where we sang this song at The Bucket and the Lord so clearly showed me my purpose in the first place.  

Light the fire 
In my soul
Fan the flame
Make me whole
Lord, You know
Where I’ve been
So light the fire in my heart again

For years, Joe and I have been seeking the Lord regarding whether/when our side (aka night) business should become our day job. After much, prayer, petition, fasting, tears and acknowledging fears, we have come to the place where we are feeling called to step out in faith.

Now, our “if” has become “when.”

This past week, Joe talked with his boss about an exit plan from working at the University. It appears that the beginning of April will be his last day working there.

While we don’t know exactly what our next step will look like, we pray it will involve more time spent together as a family, the maintenance of a more healthy schedule/lifestyle (aka not working until midnight every night and all day each Saturday), as well as more flexibility in being able to connect with people the Lord has placed along our path.

Please pray for us as we step out in faith in this direction. Join us in praying for unity between the two of us, as it seems this is where the main source of spiritual attack is at this point. We do trust the Lord has much in store for us, and though we don’t have a clear picture of what that looks like, help us to trust and know that God’s yet-to-be-fully-revealed plan is truly better than anything we could conceive for our own selves.

What would you do if you were brave?


I ran across an article this afternoon that asked this same question. 


And then I ran across these words, “Things may not go our way. But they will go God’s way, that we can be sure of.”






So, I sit here today, thinking to myself, “What would I do if I were brave?” What courageous steps might I take if I weren’t disabled by my fears of falling/failing/running into some pretty tough obstacles? 


Lord, I pray for a wise and courageous spirit. Lord, be the breath that fills our sails. Be the gentle hand that guides us. Be the voice that comforts us. Be the Light that shines through us. Help me to overcome the fears that lead me to cower in the corner. 




Proverbs 16:3 tells me, “Commit thy works unto the LORD, and thy thoughts (plans) shall be established.” 


Father, we submit our efforts to you and pray that you would establish our plans as we step out in faith.

In our class at church, we’ve been studying the book of Acts. This past week, we looked at Acts 4. Toward the end of the chapter, it talks about the people who believe in Christ selling everything they own and coming together, so that everyone’s needs can be provided for. They gave it all up for the better of the whole.

Acts 32-27: The Believers Share Their Possessions
 ³² All the believers were one in heart and mind. No one claimed that any of their possessions was their own, but they shared everything they had. ³³ With great power the apostles continued to testify to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus. And God’s grace was so powerfully at work in them all ³⁴ that there were no needy persons among them. For from time to time those who owned land or houses sold them, brought the money from the sales ³⁵ and put it at the apostles’ feet, and it was distributed to anyone who had need.

While we were reading the chapter, I was reminded of a book I recently read with Ashley about sharing. The book talked about the importance of sharing with others, but it also introduced the concept of putting away/keeping out of reach things that are very special to us that we want to make sure others don’t break or misuse. Though arguably a valid solution for teaching our children, I have to consider what things I hold so dear to my heart that I’m not willing to put out there, to share, to risk that they get mistreated. I guess we should probably appropriately name those things our “idols.” This week, I’m left to consider, what are my idols? What am I holding back from the Lord, what are those things in my life that get in the way of me being “one in heart and mind” with the body of believers in Christ.

Lord, please help each of us to recognize that EVERYTHING is YOURS. We just SHARE it. Lord, help me to  be willing to “share” all you’ve entrusted to me.